Rabbi's Blog

San Diego is a destination city for business and pleasure throughout the year. This is not only true for the general population, but for Jews alike. Although we have Jewish tourists all year long, there are a few specific times when there is a greater influx of particularly observant Jews. We are currently in the busiest and largest invasion of Orthodox and (what the non-Jewish world identifies as) ultra-orthodox Jews to our city. I can only speak of the vacationers who frequent Beth Jacob, but I would speculate that the other Shuls in town are experiencing the same numbers of visitors.

Jews of all religious stripes come to visit San Diego throughout the year, and I want to address the feelings of Jews from the entire spectrum, particularly from the ‘Chareidi” or right-wing camp. As a disclaimer, I - Chas V’shalom/Heaven forbid - am not being critical of any of our visitors from any area, I’m just bringing out an observation. Here is a sampling of some of the questions that I receive on a regular basis: After providing the time for Shacharis, the questioning visitors will typically then ask, “What time is the latest minyan?” When it comes to food, you know those handy places to eat outside of our homes, our visitors will ask, “Where is the pizza shop?” “The dairy restaurant?” ”How about the meat restaurant?” And, here’s the real topper: “Which gas station sells cholent on Thursday nights?” When it comes to education they ask, “Are there schools and yeshivos here?”” Is there a Kollel in San Diego”? The most general question is, “What do people do here?” (Translation: like for Jewish fun?) After I inform them in the negative on most of their initial questions, there is typically a follow-up that applies to all the inquiries, mainly… “How do you survive here?!”

There is another group of older tourists who have been to other vacation destinations and aren’t as sheltered as the group I previously described. They aren’t taken aback by what may one refer to as a small amount of “Jewish materialism” such as kosher eateries, bakeries, and such. What really amazes them is that people actually live here and raise observant families. This second group knows that there are Jews who reside outside of the large, concentrated cities where most Jews seem to live. Nevertheless, they are still surprised to see religious, genuinely observant Jews living here in San Diego! Personally, I don’t know what and or why they think this way, but they do. They also ask questions which are similar to those asked by the first group, only they don’t respond in disbelief, but with genuine surprise.

The short answer to these questioning and frequently flabbergasted tourists is we do not only survive, we thrive here! It is true we may not have many places to go out to eat or have round-the-clock minyanim with cholent available 24/7. But those amenities are not what make a Jewish community. I generalize about the San Diego Jewish community, but my focus of explanation relates specifically to the Beth Jacob family. We strive to be a fairly homogenous group of Jews who come together from different places. In a larger city, there would be a natural tendency for a group to break away when they attain a critical mass. Like a large family, the children tend to branch out, exploring different areas of interest. So, too, the Jews of our community treat each other as brothers and sisters despite differences in personal areas of expertise. Everyone teaches and speaks about tolerance, but there are those who not only preach but do. We may not be reaching out to the extended Jewish population, but everyone is welcomed warmly when they enter our house. It’s the challenges that make us bond together, strengthening each other spiritually; we depend upon each other as fellow Jews and children of Hashem.

My last remark to the guests and tourists is they should not be surprised with my answer, because this is exactly what Hashem recommends from us in this week’s parsha Parshas R’Ay. The Torah states in Devarim 14:1 “Banim Atem LaHashem Elokeichem, Lo Tisgodedu V’Lo Tasimu Karcha Bein Eineichem L’Meis.” “You are children of God your Lord. Do not cut or mutilate yourselves and do not make a bald patch in the middle of your head as a sign of mourning.” The simple understanding of ‘Lo Tisgodedu’ - do not cut yourself - clearly refers to the prohibition of excess mourning and acting as the non-Jews do when addressing death and mourning. Practically and metaphorically speaking in today’s day and age is the idea of not making yourself into groups that are different from each other. A real practical application is about one minyan which holds by different practices. That is the easy way to separate. For example, having separate minyanim for those who wear tefillin on chol hamoed versus those who do not. The greatest challenge is when Jews from different socio-economic backgrounds come together, or when the rich and poor attend the same functions all year round. The spiritual challenge is maintaining a community with different Hashkafos or philosophical outlooks on Judaism and focusing on different aspects of Jewish life. This is the true beauty of a smaller Jewish community, which, perhaps because of its size gets to be a unique example of how the Jewish people are intended to be. The opposite of ‘not making groups’ is respecting people who are different and keeping them together.

The Midrash on the words ‘do not band together’ teaches us that when we don’t stand apart from each other, the first part of the verse “We are children to Hashem” comes to light. The comparison comes from Korach. The Midrash states that we are not to group ourselves together and end up arguing and separating from each other. By doing so we will create a plague among us in the same way Korach separated himself from the rest of the Jewish people. He created a cut between himself and Moshe. The irony of the Midrash using the word ‘Korcha’ making a bald spot is that the name of Korach himself lies inside this word! Rebbi Shimon Ben Yochai takes these words to a higher level by looking at the next passuk. Here Hashem calls us ‘Banim’ – children. To Hashem His Banim, His children, are incredibly endearing. Immediately after this line, once we’ve reached this level, we are now referred to as an ‘Am Kadosh’ - a Holy people. Once we earned the relationship of being a child of Hashem, we then become holy, concluding with the declaration, “U’B’Cha Bachar Hashem” – “And to you did Hashem choose. The route for the Jewish people to acquire the title of the Chosen Nation can only come when we live respectfully together, side by side, despite all our differences. Here at Beth Jacob we strive to become the Chosen by working together to accept each other for who we are. This does not mean everyone must agree with everyone else; we must respect and honor our differences, focusing on building a Torah-observant community. This is our core belief. Our Beth Jacob community should see itself as a role model for other smaller Jewish communities and ultimately for the larger communities as well. We know we will have succeeded when the tourists and visitors no longer see us as hardy pioneers somehow living in the wilderness without the trappings larger communities view as essential but rather see our community as the gold standard, living up to commitment of V’Ahavta L’Rieacha Kamocha.