Rabbi's Blog

A few weeks ago, I was in the check-out line  at Ralphs,  kibitzing with the cashier.  I happen to know most of the older cashiers, having shopped there many years. Many service people wear name tags, and at that moment the cashier at Ralphs was looking for hers. As she was looking, I thought to myself, ‘who’s to know  that these are their real names; maybe they just wear fake names’. She then explained that she was looking for her spare name tag, explaining  that they usually have a few of them. I then said to her, ”Why don’t you just take someone else’s name tag?” (Are the customers going to know the difference?) She then replied, “I don’t want to be anybody else; I want to be me!”

I found her response to be extraordinarily deep on many levels.  In society, and particularly with regard to children, there is an emphasis through Hollywood and sports to become someone whom we are not. Children grow up idolizing others and tend to be harmed by it if they don’t grow out of it by the time they are teenagers. It is critical for parents to encourage their children to be themselves. People do better in life when things are real,  not fake. Living in San Diego in a warm climate creates an environment which  downplays the non-Jewish holidays. I was reminded of this recently while visiting the East Coast, seeing the outlandish displays of lights and holiday paraphernalia strewn over trees, houses, and lawns. These are for the most part intelligent, bright, successful people who year after year continue to live a life and celebrate with things they know are made up and false. To make matters worse, they continue with this façade, transmitting it to their children as if it were true. I wonder when and what the reaction of children is when they realize it is all made up? Perhaps some realize this and re-evaluate religion while others may live their entire lives knowing the truth but living a lie.

Putting religion aside, living a life that we don’t believe in could be very painful and sorrowful. More importantly, this situation also applies to the potential that a person is capable of reaching in life yet chooses not to. If one looks at great, successful, righteous people, we typically reason that they reached their potential because they had it within them to do so, while the wicked villains of history did not. The fact is that every evil leader, tyrant, or wicked ruler had the potential to use their strengths for good but chose not to. We see this with two great leaders from the Torah, specifically two men who really had the same potential: Yaakov and his twin brother Eisav.

It is this in week’s Parsha Vayeishev that we don’t hear about Yakov and Eisav together until the end of Sefer Bereishis. From the time they were conceived, we read about them in every Parsha and now take a break until they are re-united in death. The meeting and parting in last week’s parsha reveals a great deal about the potential personality of Eisav. In Bereishis 33:4 the Torah states: “Vayaratz Eisav Likraso Vayichabkeihu, VaYipole Al Tzavarav VaYishakeihu, VaYivku”. And Esau ran to greet Yakov and he hugged him, and he fell on his neck and he kissed him, and they cried. Most commentators explain the unique dots placed over the word ‘and he kissed him’. Last week I heard Rabbi Asher Brander quoting the Netzi’v (Rav Naphtali Zvi Yehuda Berlin) in his commentary Haamek Davar. The Netzi’v explains the implication of why both Eisav and Yakov cried. The fact that both Eisav and Yakov cried comes to teach us that not only did Eisav have an excitement about meeting with Yakov, but Yakov also had his feelings of love for his brother aroused as well. Not only was Eisav trying to show a love for Yakov, but Yakov cried out of love for his brother Eisav. The love which Yakov cried over was for the physical emotion that he had for his twin brother. More importantly, Yakov cried over an emotional and intellectual reason…. the potential of his brother. There is no question that Yakov and Eisav, despite being twins, had stark differences between them - Yakov sat and learned while Eisav hunted. Yakov used his mind for intellectual pursuits while Eisav chose to use his body for physical pursuits. Yakov used his intellectual capacity to do good, while Eisav used his physical capacity to do evil. Yakov cried because Eisav potentially could have used his physical ability to also do good. Perhaps Eisav himself realized and appreciated Yakov for whom and what he represented but could not live that lifestyle. Rather, he chose to be someone else,  to use his strengths for evil and not for good. He too cries over his own potential,  bemoaning the fact he didn’t develop properly, using his body and not his mind.

The Netzi’v continues, using this as a spring board for all future generations. When the children and offspring of Eisav have a pure, spiritual awakening to recognize the greatness of the Jewish people, then we, the Jewish people, will in turn have strong brotherly feelings toward Eisav, because he is our brother. The great Rebbi Yehuda HaNasi demonstrated this love towards Antoninus (a Roman leader descended from Eisav) as he acknowledged the greatness of Hashem and the Jewish people. Ironically, at the end of Eisav’s life, in a remarkable turn of events, he shows that it is the intellect and knowledge of Hashem and Torah which should have been the way he lived his life. Fast forward to the end of Bereishis in Parshas Vayechi -  after Yakov dies he is brought to the MeAras Hamachpela for burial. Eisav shows up and claims Yakov buried Leah there and used up his spot, therefore the remaining grave should belong to him, Eisav. An argument ensues between Yakov’s children and Eisav, and need for Naphtali (who is swift) to quickly go back to Egypt and retrieve the deed and proof of purchase that Yakov would have the remaining spot. Chushim, the son of Dan, who was deaf, didn’t understand what the confusion was and concluded that Eisav was holding up the burial of his grandfather. At that, Chushim pulled out a sword and cut off Eisav’s head and it rolled into the cave, coming to rest at Yakov’s feet.

Yakov and Eisav re-united, born as twins and buried close to each other, but at the end it was only the intellectual part of Eisav, his head, that showed his regret for living a life of futility and coming to the realization a bit late, but nevertheless showing us where his head wanted to be. That is why Yakov cried over and for him. Let us recognize who we are now and not regret becoming someone else. This illustrates one of the major lessons we take from Chanukah as some Jews became Misyavnim, like the Greeks, not remaining who they were and who they could have grown to become.

Ah Gut Shabbos

Rabbi Avraham Bogopulsky