Rabbi's Blog

This Dvar Torah should be a zchus for Yocheved Bas Yitta for a Refuah Sheleima

I am now in the midst of experiencing a major, difficult decision in my life. It is not a mid-life crisis but rather a decision regarding my personality make-up. Throughout my life I have consistently resisted change. When I find something I like and understand that it works well for me, I tend to keep the same brand, color, and style with no need whatsoever to look at or even consider any other options. Whether it is suits, shoes, and even my daily routine, I prefer to stick to that which I am used to, never needing to even remotely consider about what else I might purchase or do, until now. For years I have been married to a Blackberry phone that unfortunately broke before its time. I waited patiently for the newest Blackberry device (temporarily filling in with a cheaper, inferior replacement phone) only to find out the new version might not meet my needs. And now, after many years, I need to choose between two other options, both new, causing me to dread having to face this choice of a new option. I need to overcome my ultra conservative ways and actually make an effort to face making a change.  This, for me, is really drastic.

The cliché the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree appears throughout life’s experiences. The most common message of the apple being that the mannerisms of the child does not fall far from those of the tree - the parent. Obviously, every child is the product of two parents, so from which ‘tree’ - the mother or the father – does the apple fall? I started to think about my own children, considering which tree they ‘fell’ off: me or my wife? The jury is still out. Some have fallen off the tree and others are still ripening. Nevertheless, the shaping of the size, taste, texture and fabric of who they are can be seen in all of them and…in both of us.

Putting aside how our children look, be it the boys looking like each other or the girls not really looking like each other, there is something that distinguishes them as well: their personalities. Although most of the time I hear people use this metric for ‘type A’ personality, there are actually four types of personalities; A, B, C, and D.  The Classification of personality types into the four major categories A,B,C and D is one of the very accurate personality type assessments.

However, there are a few points which must be taken into consideration about any theory regarding personality type: the human personality is too complex to be described in terms of just one theory. For example you might find that you have Type D personality traits but still find that you have some personality traits from another type such as type C. The second thing you must put into consideration is that you will certainly have tons of other personality traits that are not covered at all by a single theory, which is why one personality-type-theory-fits-all is certainly insufficient to help you understand yourself very well.

Type A personalities are competitive, high achievers and have a high sense of time urgency. Type B's are the opposite of type A's. They are relaxed, laid back and not easily stressed. While type B can be achievers too, they tend not to be as competitive as Type As. Type B types can delay work, completing it at the last possible moment. Some of them can turn into procrastinators, a tendency avoided like the plague by the type A. Type C personalities love details and can spend a lot of time trying to find out how things work, making them very suitable for technical jobs. Types Cs are not assertive at all and they always suppress their own desires even if there is something that they dislike. As for the type D … well… the ‘D' stands for distressed, Type D's have a negative outlook towards life. They are pessimistic. A small event that is not even noticed by type B can ruin type D's day.

 By looking at my children’s personality categories, I can detect if they are genetically disposed to either me or my wife. I am not going to reveal my children’s personalities, but it definitely reflects back to one of their parents. The microcosm of children in a family having different personalities gives personality and texture to the family. The diversity and ability for families to co-exist despite their different personalities (starting with parents and continuing with the children) is the beauty of every family. The macro is the Jewish people who also should exist as one large family. The state of co-existence has eluded the Jewish people for centuries and is the impediment to the ultimate redemption. A small hint to this notion is found in the portion we will read this Shabbos.

In this week’s Parsha Vayakhel Shmos 35:1 the Torah states: “Vayakhel Moshe Es Kal Adas Bnei Yisrael VaYomer Aleihem, Eileh HaDevarim Asher Tziva Hashem La’Asos Osam”. “Moshe assembled the entire Israelite community and said to them, “These are the words that God has commanded for you to do”. Rashi informs us that the day of gathering was the day following Yom Kippur when he, Moshe, came down from Har Sinai the second time around. Reb Shlomo Lunchitz, in his commentary Kli Yakar, explains why specifically Moshe gathered the Jewish people immediately after Yom Kippur. Earlier in Parshas Yisro 18:13, the Torah describes Moshe who sat judging cases of dispute the day after Yom Kippur! The Kli Yakar explains the need to adjudicate cases amongst the Jews so that monies that would be donated to the building of the Mishkan came from funds that clearly belong to them and didn’t reach their pockets in an illegal way. The building of the Mishkan, God’s abode in this world, needed to be built upon complete honesty, totally devoid of   animosity between the parties to whom the money really belonged. Therefore, prior to the campaign to raise money for the Mishkan, Moshe settled all monetary disputes among the B’nei Yisrael. The Mishkan was a symbolic place for all Jews to be together, to openly come together for a common cause.

Due to the need to assure communal wholeness, Moshe Rabbeinu needed to capitalize bringing all of the Jewish people together at a time when they were a wholesome group, and there was never a more appropriate time than immediately after Yom Kippur. Yom Kippur is a day which we need to forgive each other before approaching Hashem to forgive us. Therefore, we naturally were on the best of terms with all fellow Jews. Historically speaking, the Jewish people are most vulnerable when split and invincible when unified. A second Torah portion - Shekalim  - is also read this Shabbos. The giving and contributing of the half-shekel symbolized that every Jew needs the other half;  we cannot do it alone. The Shekalim were used in unifying the Jewish people by purchasing the animals of the daily offerings for the entire year.

Repeatedly throughout our history we were attacked when we were “spread out” and far apart from our fellow Jews. The story of Purim is no exception.  To the contrary is was Esther and Mordechai who rallied the Jewish people to come together with an achdus and brotherly love just as it was the day after Yom Kippur when Moshe descended from receiving the second luchos. More than ever  we all need to look at all of the different ‘Jewish personalities’ and come together despite our differences, conscientiously making every effort to connect, to become that one large family of Klal Yisrael. Let us all fulfill the commitment of Keemu V’Kiblu  - to accept and fulfill that which we did previously in the time of Moshe and Vayakhel. Let us all work to join together as one to become the greatest people and the shining star family amongst the family of nations of the world.  Amen!

Ah Gut Shabbos

Rabbi Avraham Bogopulsky

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