Rabbi's Blog

The Daisy Oracle “He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not” is recited while plucking the petals from a flower, usually a daisy – but anything with petals will do. He loves me, He loves me not. He loves me, He loves me not.… The couplet is repeated until the all of the petals are discarded; the line spoken when the final petal is plucked divines the truer statement. Malcolm Jones in his book, The Secret Middle Ages, dates the first printing of the “The Daisy Oracle” to 1471. While the rhyme is typically used most often by adolescents conflicted in their relationships with their counterparts, it can be applied to any type of decision making. The tradition of daisy-divination is noted in Goethe’s Faust Part One, completed in 1806.

We Jews not only believe in Ahavas Yisroel - the love of Jews - but more importantly have an obligation to love our fellow Jew. Many mitzvos are difficult, but emotional mitzvos are especially challenging. Whether it’s loving Hashem or our fellow Jews, there are mitigating circumstances which make it this obligation easier while other situations make it that far more difficult. I’ve found myself faced with this exact challenge in the company of those who may look askance at me. 

In light of security and safety concerns when flying, I have taken the Halachik position that it is better to Daven/pray in your seat rather than stand up. It is my perception and maybe my perspective that the attitude towards religious Jews davening on airplanes (especially when men gather in the galley to form a minyan) has flip flopped between El Al and all other commercial airlines. Let me explain. I feel that there has been a tendency towards anti-religious vibes on the part of El Al stewards towards their fellow Jews while their contemporaries on other airlines have tended to be far more accommodating and respectful to the Jewish travelers. I always felt that animosity but nevertheless gathered for the minyan on my last flight because there tends to be an attitude among the passengers aboard an El Al flight that since it is the Jewish national airline, each of us has the right to do what we want. On the other hand while we are not as bold (or Chutzpadik) when flying on other carriers, they typically accommodate us, showing us respect. During the last few years, however, I’ve felt a subtle change and reversal of positions. Today I strongly recommend davening in one’s own seat on the non-Jewish airlines as the stewards have become more aggressive in prohibiting open prayer. At the same time I feel there has been a relaxing of anti-religious sentiment on the El Al flights, offering gracious accommodations to organize a minyan in the back of the plane. Therefore, I would amend my Halachik position that, barring any safety or security concern as well as any personal physical limitations, one can join the plane’s minyan.

On my last trip to Eretz Yistrael I was escorted by forty-five tenth graders from a Jewish pluralistic school heading to Israel for a four-month program in an Israeli school. It was anything but a quiet flight except during the few hours when the kids finally conked out. By then it was time to daven Shacharis. It took me a while to retrieve my tallis and tefilin from the overhead bin and it soon became obvious to those around me that the ‘religious guy’ was going to pray. I donned my religious articles and made my way through the aisle to the back of the plane, walking back to my seat after completing Shacharis. Without looking at any one face, I felt many sets of eyes staring me down. Interestingly, I no longer felt any animosity emanating from the crew’ it was, unfortunately radiating from the other non-religious Jewish passengers. Maybe I am self-conscious or perhaps I’m a good judge of character. At that very moment I felt despised because I was acting out in a religious capacity, feeling that perhaps they didn’t approve. I thought to myself: I have a mitzvas of V’Ahavta L’Reiacha KaMocha”  - Love your neighbor as you love yourself. And then I considered… ‘Am I obligated to perform this Mitzva when someone hates me?”

In this week’s Parsha Kedoshim we read one of the most famous verses in the Torah, coined by Rabbi Akiva, becomingone of the great fundamental principles in the Torah that we must follow. In Vayikra 19:17-18 the Torah states: “Lo Sisna Es Achicha Bilvavecha : You shall not hate thy brother in your heart”…”V’Ahavta L’Reiacha KaMocha Ani Hashem: But you shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.” The sefer HaChinuch in Mitzva #243 identifies the commandment of Ahavas Yisrael, the love of Jews. He explains the ‘how to’ of the Mitzva as follows: To have compassion on every Jew and their possessions in the same way they would do so for their own self and possessions. The Haksav V’Hakabalh delineates areas that a person should view others as himself: 1) consider them ascolleagues 2) treat them with respect and honor 3) ask about their well-being 4) join in their troubles 5) receive them with a pleasant face 6) judge them favorably 7) trouble yourself a bit for them 8) lend them items without hesitation. Rabbeinu Yosef Babad in his commentary Minchas Chinuch explains this Mitzva of fulfilling this Ahava/love when speaking about a ‘Kosher ‘person who isn’t anti-Torah and anti-God. Bu if you see a person violating the Torah, knowing fully well that it is forbidden, then there is the command to despise him.  This is supported by the Gemara Pesachim 113b as it states the only situation when a Jew  is not permitted to despise another Jew is regarding someone who is your ‘reiacha’ -  your kinsman - someone on the same page as you are with regard to observing the Torah. Nevertheless, you can only hate the actions of the person but not the person himself. The Chazon Ish Rav Karelitz said that in our day and age it is forbidden to hate a Jew even if he is not following the laws of the Torah. The only instance hate can be applied is after proper rebuke has been offered. There are few individuals in our contemporary world who can properly administer tochacha/rebuke to a fellow Jew. Therefore, rare is the situation or relationship that would allow a Jew to despise a fellow Jew.

The Midrash in Bereishis Rabbah 48:9 states: “Since you see people giving honor to one another, you know they are proper and good individuals.” Therefore, there are rare circumstances whereby any Jew can hate another Jew. Now that it is clear that we can only despise the actions of the wicked but we are not permitted to hate them; there is only the Mitzva: to love your neighbor as yourself.

These days of the Omer should become the time to repair and strengthen the ties of Bein Adam LaChaveiro and spread Ahavas Yisrael to as many of our brothers and sisters here and in Eretz Yisrael. May the learning about Ahavas Yisrael bring about performing the actions of V’Ahavta L’Reiacha Kamocha and bring about the Geula Sheleima speedily in our days.

Ah Gut Shabbos

Rabbi Avraham Bogopulsky