Rabbi's Blog

Often in life a person’s strength can also be his weakness, and his weakness can be a strength. Take for example the trait of humility. When exercised in situations that require a person to be humble, it is a strength. On the other hand, if the situation calls for boldness then humility might be out of place. The midos/character traits of an individual are not the only things in life that can be both positive and negative, depending upon the situation. There are countless ways we think, communicate, share and express ourselves, frequently illustrating this dichotomy. I, like everyone else, have a few areas of strength which can, at times, be considered a fault.

One of the few criticisms my wife gives me is how I try to access information from our children. When I wand to learn if they’d  done something either good or bad, I tend to pose the question  in a quizzical or indirect way. Sometimes the way I ask the question goes right over their heads, causing them not to provide me with the answer I was looking for. For example, if I wanted to know what they learned in school I would ask, “So what did I get for my paying tuition today?” They wouldn’t know how to respond, I grew frustrated and everyone got upset. My wife said to me, “Be direct; don’t ask ambiguous questions. If you want to know the answer, ask them straight out what they learned in school that day.” In my mind, I was using a Talmudic exercise and method by which asking something one way can solicit more information than the actual question was seeking. Through my question I hoped they would understand that school wasn’t free;  I am paying for their education, so I want to know that I’m getting my money’s worth. My wife, on the other hand, felt it necessary to split the question from other anticipated answers and  to be open and direct.  To get  straight to the point. I know my wife and I disagree, but I think the disagreements are borne out of her thinking in a practical manner and I from more of a philosophical one. Not that I am saying my wife is wrong, but I think the Torah and Hashem at times also choose to use indirect questioning as opposed to direct questioning.

In this past week’s Parshas Bereishis the Torah in at least three instances uses a line of questioning that Hashem, who is asking the questions, surely knows the answers. After Adam and Chava (Eve) sin by eating the forbidden fruit, God, in Bereishis 3:9, states: “Vayikra Hashem Elokim El Ha’Adam Vayomer Lo, Ayekah?” “God called to the man, and He said, ‘Where are you?’” A few verses later - 3:11 - the passuk states: “Vayomer Mi Higid L’chja Ki Eirome Ata, HaMin HaEitz Asher Tzivisicha L’ViltiAchol Mimenu Achalta?” “God asked, ‘Who told you that you are naked? Did you eat from the tree from which I commanded you not to eat?’ ” We all know that Hashem knew where Adam and Chava were, and we also understand that God knew Adam and Chava did indeed eat from the forbidden fruit.  A third case in point in this parsha is after Kayin  (Cain)kills Hevel (Abel). Hashem comes to Kayin in Bereishis 4:9 and states: “Vayomer Hashem El Kayin, Ay Hevel Achicha?” “God asked Kayin, ‘Where is your brother Hevel?’ ” Once again we don’t doubt the fact God knew that Cain killed Able his brother. If so, why does Hashem ask  the rhetorical questions about the whereabouts of Adam and Chava (Eve) and ask Kayin (Cain) where his brother Hevel (Abel) was?

The commentary Meam Loez explains that even though Hashem knew where to find Adam and Chava He felt it necessary to engage in some innocent talk after seeing the fall of Adam due to his sin. The Torah, ultimately Hashem, is teaching us some simple Derech Eretz: if a person sees an individual do one sin and the sinner recognized his sin, then you should not yell at the sinner at that moment. Perhaps, if we are too harsh on the sinner at that moment, he will not be able to withstand the pain. Therefore, it is appropriate to wait a while, giving the  rebuke a little later.

A second reason is brought down in the Midrash Rabbah, quoting a Midrash Tanchuma in Tazria. The reason Hashem ‘called out’ to Adam was to speak with him in a non-threatening way, hoping, perhaps that the sinner would express regret  and repent. Two names of God are used in this verse: Hashem and Elokim - one representing mercy, the other judgment. The name ‘Hashem’, displaying God as merciful, was used first . G-d pleaded with Adam:  ”Ayeka”  ”Where are you?” ”Come back and do teshuva.”

A third reason for  rhetorical questioning is supplied by Rashi as he includes the approach to Kayin (Cain) also for the sake of Derech Eretz, mentioned in Derech Eretz Zuta 91: A person should not burst into his friend’s home suddenly. He should not startle his friend. Every man should learn this form of Derech Eretz from Hashem.  He stood at the entrance of Gan Eden and called out to Adam.

In these three instances (and I’m sure we can find more) the rhetorical question, Hashem intentionally asking a question which He the answer to was an open act of  kindness and Chessed and from the earliest times of this world  Hashem is engaged in teaching and instructing us how to do a kindness, how to extend ourselves to someone who has stumbled. 

The next time you find yourself asking a rhetorical or obvious question, make sure there is a purpose in asking it in that way. Whether it is posed to a child, an older student, a teacher, a co-worker, a colleague or even to your Rabbi, make sure it doesn’t sound supercilious, presented without apparent reason. The rhetorical question is a question that shows some love and care for another individual. Your purpose is  to help bring out the best in that individual. The rhetorical question isn’t actually being addressed  to the person you are speaking with; it is, in fact being addressed  to you, the questioner, by asking yourself what you are trying to accomplish through asking this question.  If you are not sincerely trying to help, then you would be better off  skipping the rhetoric and asking the question directly. Let us keep in mind that Hashem, being merciful, posed the question with derech eretz.  Therefore, shouldn’t we, wanting to bring out the best in another individual, also always question with chessed and derech eretz? 

Ah Gut Shabbos

Rabbi Avraham Bogopulsky