Rabbi's Blog

There a very few things in life which stress me out, but that doesn’t mean that things don’t concern me or that I don’t care about dire situations. There are challenges and difficulties which require patience and guidance for any number of given situations. Each of us deals with the challenges we must confront differently. For some, these trials may appear easy while for others, such situations are very difficult. Regardless of how each of us face challenge, we all should strive to make them less stressful whenever possible.

Too often we use or misuse the term stress in a way to express a situation. We need to narrow down the areas of life which cause us to use the term ‘stress’. Stress is the pressure or tension exerted on a material object. Stress is also more and more frequently used in a medical or biological context. Stresses can be externally induced either from the environment, psychological, or social situations, from illness, or from a medical procedure. For me the most appropriate definition of stress is the first definition:  pressure exerted on material objects.

When I go shopping, I go to buy something that I need, while others I know just go shopping whether they need something or not! For me, shopping for basic things - such as food and small articles -  is a relatively soothing and therapeutic activity because doesn’t require a lot of brain power. On the other hand, when I must buy something - let’s take a suit, for example - and it may very well cost well over one hundred and fifty dollars (I’m frugal!), I begin to go into stress mode. Depending upon the item, necessity and cost will determine the stress level that I experience. The most severe and highest level of stress that I endure is the process of buying a car. Over the years my wife bought vehicles when I was out of town which made it relatively stress-free for me. Last May we needed to get rid of our beloved mini-van and purchase something else. Last week, during a routine maintenance checkup of my car, a major problem was discovered that would require a new engine. The first difficult decision I needed to face was to either put the money into the old car or put it towards something new. As I stressed over this decision for about a week, I finally listened to the advice I had sought out to part with my car, not an easy thing for me to do as I get attached to ‘things’.  My old care was sentimental to me. It had been my mechanical pal, my trustworthy means of transportation, and I was about to reject it for a newer, better object.

The ultimate stress test for me is buying and negotiating the purchasing of a new vehicle. For those who have gone through this process, you know it is a cat and mouse game of who is going to give in first and by how much? Everyone knows that the initial price is way too high and negotiation is required.  At first, the salesman is extremely nice and courteous and expresses a few times that I shouldn’t feel any pressure today. After I choose the vehicle that I would like to buy, the initial intake of information begins. They basically ask what can we do to earn your business today. What can we do that you drive out with a new car today? It sounds like they are willing to accommodate and work with you at almost any cost. They ask what amount I have in mind to pay and then the tone of conversation changes. “Do you want us to lose money (yeh right, they’re losing money)?” The standoff begins and I personally spend an entire day just trying to position myself for the best price and not wanting to feel that I am getting ripped off.

While the “game” of purchasing a car leaves me in the void as to just who was actually the winner, we all  know that when it comes to a Tzadik, Hashem watches out for the righteous and will make sure the money they have and spend is to their benefit. This is apparent in the words we read this Shabbos.

In this week’s Parsha Vayeitzay, Yakov Avinu works for his future father- in- law, and after marrying Rachel and Leah continues to work for him. In Bereishis 29:15 the Torah states: Vayomer Lavan L’Yaakov Hachi Achi AtahVa’Avaditaqni Chinam? Hagida Li Mah Maskoortecha”. “Lavan said to Jacob, ‘Just because you are my close relative, does it mean that you must work for me for nothing? Tell me what you want to be paid.”.A few commentators mention the fact that Lavan referred to Yakov as his brother. Lavan is asking about the wages in a cynical manner loaded with diabolical intention. You, Yakov, are thinking that I am your brother and you are trying to win me over by thinking I will get free work out of you. You, Yakov, are trying to trick me into offering free, cheap labor only to lure me into a situation that I will end up paying you a fortune for your work. Lavan felt that anything that is given for free as a gift will end up costing him a lot later. Lavan says to Yakov, “You are flattering me that you are willing to work for free so that later you will ask for a great favor.  You are expecting to receive so much more than I can afford. Yakov answers, stating simply, “I only came to marry your daughters and I don’t want or need anything else.”

In Bereishis 31:7 the Torah states: Va’Avichen Heisel Bi V’Hechelif Es Maskurti Aseres Monim, V’Lo N’Sano mElokim L’Hora Imadi”. Yakov said to his wives: “Your father swindled me and changed his mind about my pay at least ten times, but God would not let him harm me.” Later in 31:41 Yakov again mentions in speaking to Lavan ‘you changed my wages ten times!” Hashem protected Yakov and through the miracle of breeding the speckled, ringed and spotted animals was able to become a very wealthy man despite Lavan’s attempts to keep it all for himself.  

I’m would be comfortable to say that Yakov’s experience with his father-in-law Lavan was a great challenge. Nevertheless, a person with Yakov’s character and trust in Hashem would lead one to believe that he got the best price for his situation. The more emunah/faith and bitachon/trust in Hashem we develop within ourselves, the more our stress levels regarding all difficult situations will be reduced.

Ah Gut Shabbos           Rabbi Avraham Bogopulsky