Rabbi's Blog

This Dvar Torah is in memory of Esther Rochel bas Nachum Bogopulsky on her yahrzeit 11 Shvat

I hate to admit it. Actually, I will never admit it, but she - my wife - is always right! This is not a blanket statement for everything that goes on in the house, of course. Over the years any religious issue or decision, whether it be chinuch/Jewish education, shidduchim/marriage proposals, priorities in halacha/Jewish law, she, my wife, is and always will be right. Shlomo Hamelech tells us חכמת אישה בנתה ביתה  -  it is the wisdom of the wife who builds the home. Nevertheless, like everything in life, one can build or destroy. A woman has the capacity to build the house, or, rachmana Litzlan, Heaven forbid, knock it down.

We are now in the midst of the time called ‘shovavim’, an acronym for the parshios of Shemos. Va’eira. Bo. Beshalach. Yisro. Mishpatim. These are the first six sedras in sefer Shemos (the book of Exodus), which are read during the winter months between Chanukah and Purim. In Hebrew, their initial letters spell the word “shovavim,” the acronym by which this period is known.

“Shovavim” is a word found twice in sefer Yirmiyahu (the book of Jeremiah) chapter 3 – in verses 14 and 22, as part of the phrase shuvu banim shovavim - return my children return. This is typically translated as “return, backsliding children”, though the meaning is more along the lines of “wayward” or “troublemaking.” In any event, the implication is clear: the navi is telling us that we’re not acting as we should and that we should repent. Accordingly, the Shovavim period is one of intensified teshuvah (repentance) and tikkun (rectification) for personal shortcomings. There is an emphasis placed on reviewing and strengthening ourselves in the laws of family purity. Not only are these days meant to be strengthening the laws of family purity - Taharas HaMishpacha,  they are also intended to help in the realm of Shalom Bayis, peace in the home.

The Torah is replete with stories of a wife/woman being the Akeres HaBayis, the mainstay and primary pillar of a Jewish home. We read about Avraham being told by Hashem to listen to what Sorah has to say about a religious situation in their home. The wife of Oan ben Peles saved her husband during the rebellion of Korach, while Mrs. Korach was instrumental in the downfall of her husband. People joke when they see a well-run household,  quipping that it is she, the wife, who wears the pants in the house!  

The Torah in this week’s Parshas B’Shalach Shmos 15:1 states “"אשירה לה' כי גאה גאה, סוס ורוכבו רמה בים"   - “I will sing to God for His great victory; horse and rider He threw in the sea.” The Shiras HaYam, the great Song sung by Klal Yisroel after they were saved at the Yam Suf, opens by relating that both the horse and its Egyptian rider were cast into the sea. After the men sang, the Torah in Shmos 15:21 relates  -"ותען להם מרים, שירו לה' כי גאה גאה, סוס ורוכבו רמה בים  Miriam led them in the response, “ Sing to God for His victory is great, horse and rider He cast in the sea”. The women, too, sang a Shirah, led by Miriam, and interestingly the only verse of the Song that the Torah reports they sang was the one regarding the horse and its rider both being cast into the sea. Rav Saadia Gaon and Chizkuni posit the women sang the entire song along with the men, the men led by Moshe and the women by Miriam. Others contend that Miriam sang either the entire song after the men or the women only sang the part we read in the Torah about the horse and its rider. For this message, we will follow the opinion that these were the only parts of Moshe’s song that the women sang, led by Miriam. Accordingly, why would Miriam repeat only one part of the song and not create new or different lyrics?

Some suggest that Miriam was pointing out to the women an important lesson. The entire episode and point of the redemption from Egypt was, of course, for Klal Yisroel to receive the Torah at Har Sinai. The principle Mitzva is learning the holy Torah - which is something that women are not necessarily commanded to do. Nevertheless, women who run the household and encourage and enable their husbands and sons to occupy themselves with learning Torah share in the tremendous reward for those who learn Torah.

Thus, Miriam encouraged the women to sing after their redemption, as she pointed out that although the horses did nothing wrong -  they merely enabled the riders to chase the Jews. They were, nevertheless, punished. Heavenly rewards are always given out in greater measure than punishments, and surely, then, if the women will aid their husbands to learn Torah, they will merit a great reward. Women have an immense, direct role in the leadership of the Jewish people.

2025 is not an easy time to bring up a family, especially an Orthodox Jewish one. Life is so fast paced with things happening to us and all around us without time to process or try to understand. There is a myriad of challenges we go through on a daily basis. Managing one’s home with financial balancing along with properly addressing the physical and spiritual sides is complicated. Typically, the man is like a horse, running around jumping up and down and  doing whatever he thinks needs to be done, most often without clarity of direction and purpose. It is the rider who literally drives and controls the horse, bringing out the best results of the horse’s strengths  So too in a Jewish home the husband is like that horse, needing the rider,  the wife, to make the mission successful. A former member of Beth Jacob used to say that the man of the household is like a king ,represented by the head on top of his shoulders, thinking he is in charge. Rather, it is the neck,  his wife, who decides which way the head turns. A man/husband will do what the woman/wife tells him to do. If she tells him to stay home, he will stay home, if she tells him to go to minyan and learn he will do as she says. It is of the utmost importance in today’s day and age for the rider to take hold of the reins and not allow all dependent upon her (the men) to drown. The rider of the house, the woman/wife must all push their husbands to go to minyan, to learn more Torah, to be more active in Jewish communal life, etc. Through the directions of the Nashim Tzidkaniyus, we will once again merit a Geulah/redemption, as they led us out of the slavery of Egypt.

Ah Gutten Shabbos

Rabbi Avraham Bogopulsky