Rabbi's Blog

The beginning of my Rabbinic career was put on hold due to the fact I could not find a pulpit that suited me and my family. There were a few opportunities but some of the places that wanted me I did not want, and a few places that I wanted did not want me! Because both my wife and I were both raised in New York in predominantly religious neighborhoods, we decided to take teaching positions in a small, out-of-town community which could benefit from what we had to offer.

 We taught Judaic studies from grades three to eight. I taught third grade Chumash, specifically the book of Bereishis. Bereishis, like the other four books of the Torah, have other names, in this case the first book is also known as Sefer Ha’Avos - the Book of the Fathers. We began with Lech L’Cha and discussed the patriarchs and matriarchs of the Jewish people. I taught them that our forefathers were Avraham, Yitzchok and Yakov while our foremothers were Sarah, Rivka, Rochel and Leah. One of my innocent third grade eight-year-old students piped up and asked the following question: ”Why are the patriarchs called the ‘four fathers’ when there are only three of them?” I must have repeated myself a hundred times, but this child refused to accept and understand the difference between the forefathers and the four fathers. Just as he finally gave in, we discussed the matriarchs and then again, he piped up and said, “You see, we call them the foremothers because there are four of them!” At that point I just felt defeated and gave up and said, “Fine. You can call them the threefathers.”

In reality, we don’t usually see the matriarchs referred to as the foremothers. The reason is obvious. Bilhah and Zilpah were the mothers of four of the twelve tribes. The formation of the Jewish people was not limited to the main wives of Avraham, Yitzchok and Yakov but included their maid servants who were given to Yakov by Lavan. In this week’s Parsha Vayeitzay after Rochel realized she could not conceive, the passuk states in Bereishis 30:4: “VaTiten Lo Es Bilhah Shifchasa L’Isha, Vayavo Eileha Yakov”: “She (Rochel) gave him her handmaid Bilhah as a wife, and Jacob came to her.” A few verses later in 30:9 a similar situation occurs with Leah giving Zilpah, her maidservant,  to Yakov as a wife, and she, too, has two children, like Bilhah. Despite the explanation that there were more than four mothers responsible for the creation of the nation, we don’t automatically consider Bilhah and Zilpah as part of the matriarch coalition as evidenced by the sons of Leah considering their children second class.

I would like to share an idea of why we don’t view the total group as the foremothers. At the end of this week’s Parsha, we witness a disparity between Rochel and Leah to their mother-in-law Rivka and great-mother-in-law, Sarah. Sorah felt the situation with Yishmael in the house was not good for her son Yitzchok. She asked her husband Avraham to send Yishmael and his mother away. Avraham is reluctant and only acquiesces to his wife’s request after God tells Avraham in 21:12: ‘Kal Asher Tomar Eilecha Sorah, Shma B’Kolah’: ‘Do everything that Sarah tells you.’ Bottom line -  Arvraham, to listen to your wife! At the end of Parshas Toldos, Rivka advises and urges Yakov to flee until his brother Eisav calms down from wanting to kill him after taking the brachos.  Now, it is no secret that Yitzchok loved both Eisav and Yakov. We don’t hear Yitzchok objecting to Rivka’s sending Yakov away. Apparently, Yitzchok realizes that his wife is correct in assessing the situation, even though it would lead to Yitzchok not seeing his son for twenty-two years. As painful as that reality would become, in hindsight Yitzchok listened to his wife and followed through regarding any decision she made for the family. This was in stark difference when compared to Sorah and Rivka and Rochel and Leah. As the situation between Yakov and his father-in-law, Lavan, continued to sour, Yakov decides it’s time to leave. In Bereishis 31:4-7 it states: “Vayishlach Yaakov VaYikra L’Rachel U’L’Leah. VaYomer Lahen Ro’eh Anochi Es Pnei Avichen Ki Einenu Kitmol Shilshome. V’Ateina Y’Daten, Ki B’Kol Kochi Avaditi Es Avichen. VaAvichen Haseil Bi.” - “Yakov sent word and summoned Rachel and Leah to the field where his flock was.  ‘I saw your father’s face’, he said. ‘He is not acting the same with me as he used to. But the God of my father has been with me. “You know full well that I served your father with all my strength. Your father swindled me and changed his mind about my pay at least ten times.”Why is it necessary for Yakov to continue a diatribe about Lavan, his father-in-law, and how poorly he was treated? The answer is that he had no choice but to go on and explain himself.

Right from the start Yakov tells his wives about how their father has changed. He explained that Yakov is now wicked and an enemy, and that surely, we should flee. His wives remained silent, and therefore Yakov said to them: ‘you know full when and he swindled me,’  but Rochel and Leah did not respond to Yakov’s pleas to leave. They maintained an indifference regarding leaving or staying. Each time Yakov described how Lavan tried to dupe him, he told them about the miracles which occurred, showing how Hashem was there to protect him.. After all these descriptions of offenses and miracles fail and still they don’t take the hint that the family needs to move, Yakov reminds them about his vow that if Hashem protects him, he will leave this land and return to Eretz Yisrael. The Gemara in Nedarim says if a man does not fulfill his vows then the wife of the man dies. Immediately, when they heard about the Neder (vow) found in 31:14 Rochel and Leah answered,  basically acquiescing that would be the time to leave their father’s house and take the family back to Eretz Yisrael.

I would suggest that Rochel and Leah were still under the influence of their father Lavan and could not see what was beneficial for the family. Yakov waited and waited for his wives to act like Sorah and Rivka, taking family matters into their hands, telling to their husband to leave. But this kind of bravery was delayed and stunted while in Lavan’s house. It would only be when they finally leave that they would fill the shoes of Rivka and Sorah. Rashi points out to Yakov that in this place of Lavan’s house he could not have God’s presence;  it will only happen in Eretz Yisrael. If Yakov didn’t have the Shechina, neither did Rochel and Leah.  This is why they didn’t understand the need to leave.    

It is not ‘father knows best’ or ‘mother knows best’, rather it’s the one who has the Shechina resting upon himself or herself who knows best!

Ah Gut Shabbos

Rabbi Avraham Bogopulsky