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Parshas Vayigash/Vayechi - A Complete Refuah Sheleimah                    10 Teves 5778

12/28/2017 02:10:44 PM

Dec28

This Dvar Torah should be a zchus for a Refuah Sheleima L’Chol Cholei Yisrael 

‘Tis the season when many people get sick. Over the past few weeks there hasn’t been a household where at least one member was not sick from the usual winter ailments. At that point, it doesn’t take much for the cough, cold, or influenza to sweep through the house and systematically take on every member. Parents have expressed to me that their only hope is that once it made its rounds it will leave and the cycle won’t start again, hitting the family a second time. During these “light” kinds of sicknesses everyone in the family may go through a little inconvenience. Maybe a child sharing a room will have to sleep someplace else to avoid catching something from the sick sibling. Perhaps a parent will have to administer medication, prepare a special diet for the time being, and even take off from work. Generally speaking, the inconveniences and small changes are tolerable and don’t create long-term effects on any one as this is part of the usual sicknesses with which families must contend. We often wish a person a speedy recovery or refuah sheleimah which is loosely translated as have a “complete healing”. Whether it means to quickly get better or to have a complete recovery, the main point is to wish the individual better health. I would like to suggest another definition of refuah sheleimah.  

If I may at this point, speak/write about a very sensitive and critical set of circumstances that Jewish families are facing. Many of societal issues that directly impact the Jewish family crosses over to all segments of the Jewish world, whether chasidish, litvish, yeshivish, modern orthodox, and, I would presume to a degree, even conservative and reform Judaism. I am writing this piece to bring an awareness of how devastating illness can be that it wreaks havoc not only on the patient but on the entire the family as well. I write with trepidation in mentioning the hardships families must endure when a family member is facing a life or death illness R”L (Rachmana Litzlan - may God save us) and or undergoing treatments that will hopefully provide extended life. But an even greater challenge to a family is when one member is challenged with a severe psychological disorder. Mental health issues are not only paralyzing for the patient; they are also debilitating for the other children, parents and even the grandparents. There are some subtle and some non-subtle effects on a family that manifest itself differently to each family member.

Dealing with mental health issues raises stress levels to their limits. When children are stressed out, they may act out in school or fall behind in their work;  their minds are pre-occupied with many crucial, potentially life-altering changes around them. Older children, adults, parents and even grandparents may become more irritable and have less patience for others. These behaviors may be interpreted as obnoxious, but in truth it’s the ancillary effects of the disorder attacking their loved one. Parents and spouses of a child with a mental disorder may have stains on their personal and intimate relationships. Many of the primary and essential important goals and values they’ve built up over the years seem to be shaky at best and crumbling at worst. This is where the Refuah and its co-part  Sheleimah come into play. Refuah/healing must be addressed to the patient. There is no question a complete and full (shaleim) recovery is wished for. But let us not forget that the Sheleimah component is addressed to the relatives of the patient. The idea and concept of Sheleimah is discussed in the past and coming week’s parshiot.

In this week’s Parsha Vayechi we are introduced to illness/sickness for the very first time. The Torah states in Bereishis 48:1 “VaYehi Acharei HaDevarim HaEileh, Vayomer L’Yosef Hinei Avicha Choleh, Vayikach Es Shnei Banav Imo Es Menashe V’Es Ephrayim”. “A short time after this, Joseph was told that his father was sick; Joseph went to his father, taking his two sons Menashe and Ephrayim with him.”  The Midrash Rabbah chapter 65 teaches us from the beginning of Bereishis until now the word Choli/Sick is not mentioned. It was Yaakov Avinu who asked Hashem to bring illness to the world instead of someone just dying. Yaakov had to ask Hashem as a show of mercy to bring illness so that a person could put his affairs in order. Primarily, if a person dies suddenly, he will not be at peace without first having the opportunity to make proper  arrangements among his children. Therefore, if a person has at least a few days prior to dying, he can have Yishuv HaDaas, a settling of his mind surrounding his children. Hashem agreed to Yaakov’s suggestion and declared He would start with Yaakov.  Yaakov was therefore the first one to become sick.

The root of the word Sheleimah is Shin, Lamed, Mem, which spells out shalom  - peace  - or Shaleim - complete. Even though Yaakov was sick and dying, the words wished upon him were Refuah Sheleimah, which could be interpreted as he should die while still being whole and complete. Blessing his children, giving them ultimate direction for life, put Yaakov’s mind at ease, allowing him to leave this world ‘whole’.

In last week’s parshas Vayigash we got a glimpse into the completeness or fullness of the wishes. In Bereishis 45:27 the Torah states: “Vayidabru Eilav Eis Kal Divrei Yosef Asher Diber Aleihem, Vayar Es Ha’Agalos Asher Shalach Yosef Laseis Oso VaTechi Ruach Yaakov Avihem”. “Then the brothers related all the words that Joseph had spoken to them, and he saw the wagons that Joseph had sent to transport him. The spirit of their father Yaakov was then revived”. Yaakov was emotionally sick over the discord that existed among his sons. Having now heard directly from his sons the entire episode and its conclusion, he felt relieved. Yaakov never fully accepted the notion that Yosef was actually dead. He knew Yosef wasn’t physically dead, but still suffered an emotional death due to being isolated from the rest of the family. For twenty-two years Yaakov felt his family was broken, fractured by the disdain shown by the brothers towards Yosef. With the brothers realizing Yosef’s true intentions, they were able to look back and reconsider their breaking apart the family by selling Yosef. As Yaakov saw the wagons, it reminded him of the last thing he learned with Yosef:  the laws of Eglah Arufa. The Mitzva of Egla Arufa is when a person is found murdered between two cities. God lays the blame on the Rabbis of the closest city because they must have not provided a place to sleep and the man was forced to travel. A ceremony of decapitating a calf, an Eigel was done by a brook of water and a patch of non-tilled land. Without going into the details Yosef sent wagons  (also called agalot ), same word as calf.  This was an additional sign to Yaakov that the sons who sold Yosef held themselves accountable for their actions. The spirit that is now revived within Yaakov is the feeling of Shleimus, having his family whole once again.

We see the importance of the family holding on together and as they struggle with illness and sickness within the family they should also be the recipients of the well-wishers of a Refuah Shelimah to the patient and the entire family. We hope and pray for the Refuah / healing to the ill patient and a Sheleima to the bringing back of wholesomeness to the extended family.                    

Ah Gut Shabbos

Rabbi Avraham Bogopulsky

Thu, March 28 2024 18 Adar II 5784