Rabbi's Blog

This week's Dvar Torah is sponsored by Doris Jaffe in memory of her mother Leah Meertsha Bas Yaakov on her Yahrzeit the 21st of Kislev

The beginning of this week's Parsha Vayeishev 37:1 states: Vayeishev Yaakov B'Eretz M'Gurei Aviv B'Eretz C'Naan". "And Jacob settled in the land of his father's sojourning, in the land of Canaan". Rabbeinu B'Chaya explains thatthe word Vayeishev means of dwelling in a holy place. The holy is Eretz Yisrael, the land in which his father and grandfather sojourned. His forefathers were uprooted from Eiver Hanahar and ended up sojourning in the land of Israel.

Yakov intended to live out the rest of his life in holiness and spirituality, just as Avraham and Yitzchak had done. Vayeishev doesn't only mean to live in the physical sense; it also refers to living in the spiritual sense, in the manner in which they lived. Our forefathers built a spiritual and holy place to live around them. Yakov wanted to do the same thing at the end of his life. He created an atmosphere around him and his family which enabled him to serve Hashem and to demonstrate for all future generations what it takes to live in a thriving Jewish community.

I was recently asked a question regarding what it takes to have young families stay or return to a smaller community like San Diego. There are a few basic concepts that must be considered when answering this question. First, moving to a community is like finding a shidduch - not every community will be a fit for every person. Some people need to be in a big city while others prefer and thrive in a smaller one. A sign of a growing community is having young families move in and stay. The question is: what will convince them to move in... and then to stay?

A young couple may come to appreciate the value of a smaller town. They may appreciate life without the 'rat race' and the need to keep up with high standards of gashmiyus (physical pleasures and conveniences) that is found in some of the larger Jewish communities. That being said, they should be prepared physically and mentally to the fact that moving to a smaller community requires not just taking. To be part of a smaller community means that they will also have to give, to be involved in the building and growing process. One does not have to be a rebbi or an outreach professional to give to the community. One can be a good baal habayis and become a strong part of the community. We have young couples here in our community who came here to go to school, really enjoyed the community, and decided to stay. Today, these individuals give shiurim and learn with other Baalei Batim. Others have joined committees and boards and have contributed to the growth of the Shul and community- at- large.

Often, young couples will come to a community with either no children or very young children. At that point the Chinuch in the community is still satisfactory for their needs. Sometimes however, they begin to outgrow the "day school" model and want more than the community can provide. The family will eventually reach a crossroads and must determine whether or not they feel they can continue to grow and reach the next level locally, or force themselves to move to a larger Jewish community. I believe that with the proper resources they will be able to rise up and be ready for the next level of Chinuch, even in the smaller city.

This situation particularly applies to a kollel couple or an outreach professional, who will be okay until a certain point of Chinuch for their children. Therefore, if the community is not moving forward, they will leave. Unfortunately, they have to realize that being part of a community is not about themselves, but rather it is about the greater good for everyone else. If their family can grow within this challenge, they will benefit greatly; if not, they will not stay.

In order to build a community, two things are needed:: First, the community needs to clearly to want people to stay, and second, the people must want to stay. "Want" means that one is willing to sacrifice to attain ones goals. If someone really wants something, he will figure out how to make it work. If either the wife or husband can't sacrifice, then don't move to an out- of- town community. Everybody prioritizes things they want and need out of life. Nobody in any community, large or small, gets everything they want. It's always a compromise - a matter of what one is willing to give up in order to receive.

From the community's side, there has to be some basic infrastructure. A full time day school, a Shul, a Mikva, and some Kosher food available through restaurants and supermarkets. We B"H have an active shul, a youth program, Jewish communal life which is active and vibrant, and kosher food available. A positive sign in seeking out a community is stability. Long- standing institutions in a community are strong attractions to families thinking about living there. If a community can't support a day school or a Shul, or if it changes Rabbis as often as they change light bulbs, then I would stay away from considering that location.

In addition, everyone in the community has to be willing to invest money, time and/or effort in order to foster a Torah-learning and a Torah-living environment. Not everyone has money, but most people can give time and effort. We must foster a feeling that we are trying to grow. Communities that are actively pursuing and hiring more staff i.e. college kiruv professionals, youth directors, and initiating programs such as Partners in Torah demonstrates an active community. A community must confirm its commitment to growth, sharing its excitement and enthusiasm in order to attract young couples who want to join something that is already growing. People want to be a part of success, not failure.

In order to cause young families to want to return to their communities or to attract new young families to move in, a community must provide both ruchniyus and gashmiyus. Everyone reading this needs to be on either side of this equation in order build a community around them, just as our forefathers Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yakov did in their generations.

Ah Gut Shabbos Rabbi Avram Bogopulsky