Rabbi's Blog

This week as we transition from Tisha B'Av to Nachamu, the Shabbos of consolation, we should spend some time reflecting about the emotional and spiritual growth which was hopefully experienced during these past three weeks, and especially during the nine days. We should ask ourselves if we truly lamented on the missed opportunities of performing certain mitzvos between man and man and man and God. I believe the primary method of staying on track spiritually and physically is through the study of Torah. The structure of the Torah and following its course shapes each of us, guiding us to develop into healthy human beings. There is a concept of being a 'Menuval Birishus Hatorah', a person who behaves in a manner which is marginally within the guidelines and permission of the Torah while not behaving within the spirit of the law. Perhaps this individual did not have the opportunity to receive a proper education, but it is also likely that his innate nature caused him to look for ways to stretch the latter of the law, demonstrating no restraints with regard to the spirit of the law.

In this week's parsha Va'Eschanan we read the first section of the Shema. In Devarim 6:6,7 the Torah states "V'Hayu Hadevarim Haeileh asher Anochi M'Tzavicha Hayom al Levevecha. VShinantam L'Vanecha V'Dibarta Bam B'Shivtcha b'Veisecha U'vlechtecha vaderech uvshachbcha uvkumecha" - "And these words that I command you today shall be upon your heart. You shall teach them to your sons and you shall speak of them while you sit in your home and while you walk on the way, when you lie down and when you rise". This is a very comprehensive commandment of thinking and learning Torah ALL the time! Even more important than learning is teaching and carrying on the message to our children and to future generations.

A very sad but poignant story is told about the Chidushei HaRim, the Gerrer Rebbe. The Chidushei HaRim had thirteen children, and all of them died in his lifetime. Through each of the tragedies he stood strong and firm and did not shed even one tear. He would comfort himself by saying the words of Shlomo HaMelech: 'Hashem Nasan VaHashem LaKach'- 'God gave and God took back'. That all changed when his last child died. He was no longer able to control himself and broke down, crying bitterly and uncontrollably. One of his relatives asked him why he was crying only at the time of the last child's death and not when the other twelve died. He replied that he was not crying because of his child's passing because he accepted that as a decree from heaven. He cried crying because he could no longer fulfill the mitzvah of teaching Torah to his children. Many people are blessed with children and have the opportunity to learn and transmit the very same Torah, mitzvos, and way of life to their children and yet fretter the opportunity away. The irony of course is that in today's day and age we have many tools at our disposal to learn for ourselves and to teach our children. It's not the way it was fifty or sixty years ago in America when learning and teaching was not the norm. Where have we gone wrong?

What I am about to write is not new;it's just a reminder to everyone, including myself, of how we are supposed to behave, and that it is incumbent upon each of us to educate the next generation. There is a double language in the words 'you shall teach them to your children and speak to them these words'. Rav Pinchos Shlomo Pollak, in his sefer Minchas Marcheses, explains that the word 'V'Dibarta' comes from the word 'to act'. A person must live - must act - in the same way that he teaches his children to act. The old adage of 'do as I say not as I do' is the antithesis of Torah ideals. Rashi explains that the word 'V'Shinantam' - 'to sharpen' - means that like a shein a tooth is sharp. The process of teaching children must be sharp, clear, and inspiring in order for them to gravitate towards the learning and to accept the teaching. Taking this reasoning to a deeper level, the word 'sharpen' in Hebrew is 'Chidud' which is the same root in Aramaic as the number one. The teaching of the Torah to children and the actions of the parents must be ONE and the same in order for the message to take hold. Our actions must be the same whether we are home in our house or away on vacation. The Torah must be taken with us from the moment we get up in the morning until we go to sleep at night. Each of us must be consistent in our observance and fulfillment of the Torah at work, at home, or at play. If we don't behave properly, consistently applying Torah principles in this manner, then we are not able to teach our children anything.

It baffles my mind that so many people are willing to spend thousands of dollars on tuition for their children's Jewish education and yet fail to support that investment with meaningful, sincere support , learning, and practice . I may add that the cost of Jewish education is a bargain if we complement it and back it up with our own learning and growth; it's throwing away good money if we don't. It's a complete bewilderment to me when I see parents behaving in ways that are contrary to the very education and teaching which they are offering their children. Is there any doubt that a child who receives mixed messages from parents are going to be confused? That confusion will only last a short time, because as soon as that child reaches the age of making his or her own decisions he will very likely follow in the poor decisions their parents have acted upon.

Hashem, as our Parent, is very consistent with the teaching and the way He acts in order for His children to learn properly. Hashem's messages are clear and consistent regarding the way a parent should raise a child. We are obligated to understand those teachings and to fulfill them ourselves in order to and give them over to our children. Before we stretch the limits of the law, or worse, violate the law, as parents we should think if we want our children to behave in the same manner.

Some parents think that the Mitzva of teaching our children is over at a certain point. That is the farthest thing from the truth. The Mitzva of teaching our children is incumbent upon every parent until his very last breath.Likewise, the Mitzva of teaching and guiding children knows no limits. Being a parent is always there as long as there is a child. It is an honor and a privilege to learn Torah and to fulfill the Mitzvos. It is also an honor and Mitzva to teach those valuable lessons and way of life to our children as the Torah is timeless, continuing forever from generation to generation.

Ah Gut Shabbos