Rabbi's Blog

This coming Shabbos we will bless the new month of Elul, a month of introspection and preparation for the High Holy Days of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. During this time we try to focus on and correct that which is imperfect within ourselves. I try to mention to my listening and reading audience that whatever mussar or ethical rebuke I say or write is first and foremost intended for me. In this particular piece my words are borne out of my own shortcomings with regard to a serious character flaw that recently surfaced in a recent event in my life. I will be vague so the only person you know about is me.

There are times in life when a person is taken advantage of and made to feel both used and abused by another. There is no question that there are merits to the complaint and being angry is totally valid. So I made up my mind that I will no longer have anything to do with the offending person in order to avoid running the risk of being taken advantage of again. In fact, it's probably a mitzvah to stay away in order to avoid additional discomfort and anger. The problem arises if a relative or a friend of the person who wronged me needs my help or assistance. My initial reaction is to say 'no' I will not help because I risk the possibility of being used again by that individual. The challenge I face is should my anger be directed at the person who needs me because the very person asking for my help is the same person who took advantage of me in the first place.

The behavior and answer to this question is found in this week's Torah reading Parsha Re'eh, 15:1-2: "Mikeitz Sheva Shanim Taaseh Shmittah, vzeh Dvar Hashmitah; Shamote Kal Baal Mashei Yado Asher Yisa B'reieihu Lo Yigos Es Reyayhu V'Es Echav Ki Kara Shmitta LaHashem". "At the end of seven years you shall institute a remission. And this is the manner of remission: remit every creditor of a loan over what he wants to collect from his fellow. He shall not pressure his fellow or his brother for He has proclaimed a remission for Hashem". The sefer HaChinuch in Mitzva 84 lists many reasons why the law of Shemitta and foregoing loans are part and parcel of the Torah. Through the fulfillment of this Mitzva we strengthen our Emunah and Bitachon in Hashem. By fulfilling this Mitzva a person learns that money is not the most important thing in the world. But the Chinuch teaches us a far greater lesson: through this Mitzva a person acquires a Character trait of Vatranus - to give in to things and forego that which we want in order to stand on principle. He writes there is no greater midda to work on than giving in and letting things slide.

Rav Eliyahu Dessler in the Michtav M'Eliyahu writes frequently about Middos and character development. He feels the central core of all Middos is the midda of chessed - kindness and feeling for the 'other'. In chelek gimmel, page 102, a scary story is related from a gemara in kesuvos 104. The story is told about the great Rebbi Yehuda Hanasi, whose entire life was dedicated to the Jewish people through the organization of the entire Mishna for everyone else's benefit. This was an enormous chessed. Rebbi Yehuda Hanasi, who was extraordinarily wealthy, had a table which was always full of delicacies, yet he never partook of any of them. Those treats were meant only for his guests The gemara records that when Rebbi Yehuda Hanasi died his ten fingers pointed towards heaven and he stated that "my ten fingers were only used for Torah; I never benefitted with even my small pinky. In contrast, in gemara Bava Metzia 85 A calf was on its way to slaughter and buried its face in Reb Yehuda Hanasi' cloak and cried. Rebbi turned to the calf and said this is the purpose that you were created for. Rebbi Yehuda HaNassi knew through Ruach Hakodesh that a great Torah scholar would eat and benefit from this sacrifice. it was said in heaven that since Rebbi did not show compassion for the animal just that one time he will have to endure hardships in the future. From his perspective there was no cruelty or intention to insult the animal with his statement. Nevertheless, there was a minute trace of insensitivity even though it knew it was going to serve Hashem in its way.

Nevertheless the calf still found it difficult to give up its life - even for the sake of God.

We learn from these two gemaras that even when a person thinks he has a right to be angry or annoyed with someone, he has to control his anger and rise above it. A person can be selfless and full of compassion, but that doesn't give him the right to decide that he can ignore someone in his time of need. This is all easier said than done. In order for a person to overcome legitimate feelings of anger and hurt against another person he must always strengthen himself through doing more and more kindness. One must realize the chessed that is not done is an insult to the Creator because Hashem would never turn down a request just because He was angry from another, previous and unrelated situation. We all take advantage of Hashem's kindness and don't always live up to His expectations, and despite that fact we are not ashamed to go back and ask for more assistance. In order to become great we must emulate God in this regard and work on our Middos, even when it goes against our grain.

Ah Gut Shabbos