Rabbi's Blog

As kids we remember a friend coming over to us and asking, "Hey, can you keep a secret?" We responded, "Of course!" and your friend then cupped his/her hand over your ear and whispered some trivial information about someone else. As kids it didn't take long to blurt out the secret to an anxiously waiting group of friends. On other occasions, we would relay this secret to someone else, telling him/her that it's a secret, remember not to tell anyone. In turn, that person, of course, did the same thing. Before you knew it everybody had the secret information, but no one person knew that everyone was now privy to this secret. Have you ever asked yourself why a person would tell you some private, secretive information, either about himself or another? If it is a secret, why is he/she telling me? We can speculate, suggesting that the information is not classified and therefore does not run a national security risk. It could be trivial information that will eventually become known to everyone, or perhaps it's something a person just needs someone else to know about it, sort of a confession.

Confidentiality in the workplace has become a hot bed of discussion. There are many rules - some written, others unwritten - about keeping confidentiality. Does confidentiality protect everyone at all cost? There are many laws that keep evolving regarding the nature of communication and what we say, to whom we say it, and the context within which it is used. Doctors, lawyers, medical professionals, teachers, and clergy (there are probably more on this list) are all bound by rules and laws of confidentiality. Breach of confidentiality has been at the forefront of many classical lawsuits in our day and age, and has become a serious issue, to say the least.

Maintaining one's confidence is definitely a moral right and a responsibility. Although we have come to the realization that sometimes, in the interest of potential harm and even danger, we may have an obligation to break that silence, thereby breaking the confidence. . Sometimes keeping a secret and not breaking that confidence can hinder an investigation of a crime, perhaps lead to more harm and potential danger. Nevertheless, professional confidence must always be maintained and should only be broken after giving careful consideration to its aftermath.

What is the secret to a secret?

In this week's Parsha Vayera Breishis 19:29 the Torah states: "Vayehi BShacheis Elokim Es Arei HaKikar, Vayizkor Elokim Es Avraham, Vayishalach Es Lot". "And it came to pass, when God destroyed the cities of the plain, That God remembered Avraham, and sent Lot out of the midst of the overthrow when He overthrew the cities in which Lot dwelt". The Midrash Rabbah 51:6 comments on this verse that God remembered Avraham and therefore went to save Lot. What remembrance did He (God) remember? He remembered the Shtika - the silence that he abided by - for Avraham's sake. At the time that Avraham said his wife Sarah was his sister, Lot heard this and kept quiet. Since Lot saved Avraham's life by not disclosing this information to Pharoah, Hashem treated Lot Mida Kneged Mida - measure for measure - and saved Lot from certain death.

Rav Shimshon Pincus Z"TL explains that Lot knew this 'Soad', this secret, and did not tell. On the one hand Lot was wicked, but since he was able to keep this secret, he became connected to a holier piece of the Jewish people. What is the significance of keeping a secret? In Devarim 28:9 the Torah states "V'Halachta Bidrachav" "and you shall go in His ways, the ways of Hashem. Rambam ,in Hilchos Deios 1:6, explains this verse to mean "just as Hashem is called Merciful so too you should be merciful." Just as Hashem shows kindness, so, too, you should show kindness,.Just as God is called Holy, so, too, you should also be holy. A person needs to emulate, to copy the ways of Hashem to the best of his ability. The mere fact that Hashem asks us to 'walk in His ways' must mean that it IS possible to accomplish those ways to the best of our ability.

One of the unique qualities and distinctions about Hashem is His Oneness: the One and the Only. In Bereishis when God said to Adam, 'it's not good for you to be alone', the hint was that only God can be alone, but man will have a partner. Hashem existed before the world was created and will be after the world is perhaps gone. This demonstrates the condition that God does not need any 'other' besides Him; He can be alone and the only One.

Our challenge to strive to emulate and be like Hashem in this area is to be holy - even when we are alone and by ourselves. Usually, when a person finds himself among a good group of friends, neighbors, associates, etc. he will act appropriately, according to the level of the group. Being in a good Chevra helps a person act properly, but the beauty of the person is when he acts in a holy and noble way even when he is alone. This is truly acting as Hashem would act. When a person is alone, he is able to connect to his inner being and find Kedusha/holiness, God's presence within him.

This is the definition of Soad - the keeping of a secret . This is the ultimate uniqueness of having something kept only by you, thereby making it holy and special. The secret of life is to find that pinpoint within oneself and to build your life around it. The secret to life is to become self-sufficient, to not need reliance on the group for spiritual elevation or growth, to be able to generate strength and self-governance from within your own recesses deep down.

Remember that Lot was saved because he kept that secret and he remained silent. He was by himself. Our secret/soad is to build our families and ourselves through our uniqueness of following Hashem and doing it alone, in private and in secrecy.

Ah Gut Shabbos

Rabbi Avram (Avraham) Bogopulsky