Rabbi's Blog

One of the most inane questions typically asked of every little boy and girl is:"What do you want to become when you grow up?" Typically, the answers range from becoming a doctor, a lawyer, a space cadet, or perhaps an exotic animal trainer. Everyone knows these jobs generally provide a means of support, a way of making a living. There are people who choose to enter a particular career in order to help people, animals or the environment. The young child who says, "I would like to be a helping person so I would like to become such and such where I can help people," is very special indeed.

Life should not revolve around the type of profession chosen in order to make money, but rather focus upon how my particular strengths will best fit with my middos tovos - my good character traits. If my strongest character trait is kindness, then I should find work that gives me the opportunity to do kindness for the less fortunate and those in need. If the trait of truth is something that resonates within me, then I should find work that allows me pursue truth and honesty. The answer to a question of what I want to become when I get older should be taken from a list of middos tovos that Hashem shares with us. Given a focus on goodness encourages within each of us ways to nurture our strengths - within any profession - for the good.

In this week's parsha Vayishlach, Yaakov wrestles with the Sar Shel Eisav the angel of Esau. In Breishis 32:26 the Torah states: "Vayar, Ki Lo Yachol Lo Vayiga B'Kaf Yireicho, Vateika Kaf Yerech Yaakov, B'Heiavko Imo". "And when he (the angel) saw that he could not prevail against him, he touched the hollow of his thigh, and the hollow of Yaakov's thigh was strained, as he wrestled with him". The Netzi"v, Rav Naftali Tzvi Yehuda Berlin, in his commentary Haamek Davar on Chumash writes that the word B'Heiavko Imo, and he wrestled with him, is superfluous. The gemara Chullin 91 says that up until now the angel was wrestling with him and was ready to let go and leave. Then it was Yaakov who wanted to continue and wrestled with the angel! Since Yaakov retaliated and again wrestled with the angel, he was punished. Why was Yaakov punished for retaliating against the angel when the angel started the fight?

The Rabbis explain that the character trait of Yaakov was love and peace, and therefore once the angel was ready to leave Yaakov should not have held him back. Yaakov should have rested, laid down his arms, and stopped at that point, instead of re-engaging the angel to fight.

The RAN, Rabbeinu Nissim in Gemara Nedarim, makes a very powerful statement regarding a person's behavior. When a person becomes accustomed to doing good things and good deeds, it is as if he accepts upon himself a vow to continue. In Jewish law the repetition of doing something three times constitutes a Chazaka ,meaning we have strength to continue in this manner. An individual who continuously makes the right choice but one time makes a bad choice, is subjected to scrutinization and magnification of his actions. The actions of a certain Midda Tova ,a good character trait, carry the responsibility of always maintaining that level of goodness. The RAN's opinion is that if someone with sterling character deviates from his goodness, even one time acting differently, he is subject to punishment because this is tantamount to breaking his vow, to violating his neder.

The Gemara Brachos Daf 5 relates a similar idea.If a person is accustomed to always going to Shul and one time does not show up, then God Himself comes to ask why he was not in shul. Whether or not the person will be punished depends upon whether his absence was due to being pre-occupied with a Mitzva. The Talmud points out that this case and treatment applies only to someone who ALWAYS did the right thing. Even Rabbis have a tendency to follow this Gemara somewhat. Usually the members who receive a call about missing services are those who regularly attend. Therefore, being absent stirs a concern as to why they are weren't there.The person who never shows up doesn't get the call for missing any particular day.

The Gemara Bava Metzia 84b relates how Rebbi Eliezer B"R Shimon was severely punished for his entire life. He always stood to give honor to the rabbinical students. One time, however, he did not. Hashem took exception with him, not because he didn't' stand up for the rabbis, but rather because this one time he acted differently from his normal good behavior. From our perspective this doesn't seem fair, but we do judge people in society at the level they are at. Perhaps this is connected to the notion that Tzadikim, righteous individuals, are judged more strictly than their counterparts for the very same sin. Case in point, Moshe Rabbeinu was denied entering Eretz Yisrael while others with far greater sins were permitted to enter.

With these thoughts in mind we also look at the opposite situation: when a person who always does bad things one time performs a good deed. The opportunity for positive reinforcement should be applied immediately. The individual should be rewarded even for one good deed amongst many bad ones. Therefore, Yaakov Avinu, who was a man who loved peace and sought out tranquility was punished because this one time he became the aggressor. The angel was already leaving and Yaakov would have been left at peace. Instead Yaakov went on the offensive and therefore Hashem punished him by having the angel strike him on his hip. We can presume that if Yaakov had not acted out, in opposition to his natural character of peace and shalom, then we would be permitted to eat real sirloin steak.

The actions of our forefathers are the signs for their children to apply in many different situations. In Parshas Vayishlach, the sign Yaakov gave to his children, albeit in a negative form, is to never deviate from the good habits that we've formed over the years, to never go contrary to the good middos tovos which are within each of us. We each need to identify what each of us want to become as we grow older. The quest for perfecting one's character is the goal of every human being.Make sure you never stop doing the right things.

Ah Gut Shabbos