Rabbi's Blog

Getting older is accompanied by many different changes: changes in our appearance, changes in our strength and, hopefully, positive changes in our wisdom. These changes can be seen and felt by others around us. Recently, though, I picked up on a subtle change within me which is probably a common occurrence for most people, but it is, nevertheless much more private. That change is in our outward expression of emotions. II have noticed that as I mature and age, the manner in which I react to emotional situations, especially personal ones, are not the same as they used to be. One of the strongest emotions that we humans have is the ability to cry. I find myself crying at incidences and occasions that not too many years ago I would have poked fun at others for reacting in this manner. It doesn't matter whether the occasion is sad or happy, I become overwhelmed with the emotional impact of the situation by crying. Crying is a powerful emotion which sends many messages to those around us and does wonders for us internally.

The definition of crying according to Wikipedia is: Crying (also called sobbing, weeping, wailing, whimpering, bawling, or blubbering) is the shedding of tears in response to an emotional state in humans. The act of crying has been defined as "a complex secret motor phenomenon characterized by the shedding of tears from the lacrimal apparatus, without any irritation of the ocular structures". A related medical term is lacrimation, which also refers to non-emotional shedding of tears. A neuronal connection between the lacrimal gland (tear duct) and the areas of the human brain involved with emotion has been established. Some scientists believe that only humans produce tears in response to emotional states while others disagree. Tears produced during emotional crying have a chemical composition which differs from other types of tears. They contain significantly greater quantities of the hormone prolactin, and the elements potassium and manganese.

Over the course of my career, I have witnessed all kinds of crying from one emotional spectrum to the other. I try to understand a person's state of mind through their crying. I recently visited an old friend who is in her nineties. When I prepared to leave, she started to cry. I realized she was crying out of happiness that someone remembered her and at the same time she was also crying because she has very few people who care about her. For me, personally, at this stage of my life I see my parents on the one hand and my own children and grandchildren on the other hand, each in turn crying when I depart from them. The tears may look and taste the same, but they are coming from different perspectives.

Crying is a healthy emotion. I sometimes find people forcing a stoic front by holding back their tears, not wanting to feel embarrassed or to appear weak. I tell these people, "it's O.K., let it out; you will feel better. It's okay for a grown man to cry." In my case, the older I grow, the more I appreciate what I have. This reality causes my tears well up at the drop of a hat. In fact, I now inform people in advance that what I am about to say or tell them might be accompanied by a few trickles down my cheeks.

The Torah is replete with instances of crying, and one of the first notable cases occursthree times here in our Parsha Vayigash. In Bersishis 45:2 after Yosef reveals his identity to his brothers, he cries out and weeps. In 45:14 Yosef is reunited with his brother Binyamin, and they cry on each other's shoulders. Finally, in 46:29, Yosef greets his father and cries on his father Yaakov's neck. In the first instance Yosef cries out as he can no longer contain himself while testing his brothers and wants to be open with them. Despite the fact Yosef asked all of his servants to clear the room beforehand, his cries were heard throughout Mitzrayim. Whether Yosef's cry was literally heard or it the news of this cry spread quickly throughout the land, the emotion that came from Yosef was great.

As we know there is always a first time for everything in life - and in the world. Where and from whom was the first recording of crying in the world? The Yalkut Shimoni (remez 152) states that the crying out of Yosef when he revealed his identity is the first mention of crying in the Torah. The Medrash YalkutShimoni goes on to explain the power of crying: 'Vayitein Es Kolo B'Vchi' and 'he lifted up his voice in a cry'. Just as Yosef was only able to appease and calm his brothers through crying, so too Hakadosh Baruch Hu/God will only redeem His children, the Jewish people, through weeping. Rav Yosef Chaim Keroh (1800-1895) in his sefer Taamah D'kra asks, "Was Yosef the first person in the world to cry? In addition, is it necessary for Yosef to cry to his brothers? Surely, the brothers should be the ones to cry to Yosef after what they had done to him (which they actually do later on in 50:18 after their father dies)."

Rav Keroh answers by explaining that because speech is something given only to human beings; no other living things have the gift of speech, this very gift requires safeguarding. We must control what and when we say things, so too tears from our eyes are also a gift from Hashem unique to humans. Tears, therefore, must be used at a time of need and when they can be beneficial to mankind. with regard to speech, the Torah is very open about the potential greatness and possible detriments that can occur with our speech. The message here is that emotions, particularly crying, can be used or abused when confronting people and situations. Surely there were people before the time of Yosef who cried. They experienced emotional things in their lives just as we do today. The fact that the Torah only mentions the word 'Bchi' the very first time by Yosef is to indicate that crying is a very powerful emotion and must be used wisely.

I find it no coincidence that the word prior to 'Bchi' is the word 'Kol' which means voice or sound. This hints to the fact that 'crying' is a manner of communication on the level of speech which is given to mankind. On a final note we daven at the end of the amida on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur that Hashem collects all of our tears and places them in a flask which will testify for us in the future.

May we all be Zocheh to shed tears of joy and happiness, and no longer cry tears of sadness and despair.

Ah Gut Shabbos