Rabbi's Blog

This Dvar Torah is sponsored by Stephen and Manijeh Breskin in loving
memory of Matt Ferry’s mother Francesca De-Picciotto on her
Yahrzeit this Shabbos, 16 Sivan.

The holy mussar sefer Orchos Tzadikim, Ways of the Righteous, plows
through the middos/character traits of the human being. Every
midda/trait is mirrored with another trait that is the opposite of
its counterpart. For example, haughtiness is followed by humility and
mercy is followed by cruelty. This is how the sefer is laid out,
climbing the ladder up to the gate of Fear of Heaven. Every
individual has strengths and weaknesses. One of our many challenges
in life is to overcome these weaknesses and use the strengths only
for good. We must be careful that the good traits are not used in a
bad way, and find ways to turn the bad traits so they are used in a
good way. Generally speaking, anger is viewed as a negative trait,
but getting angry in order to defend God is proper and should be
exercised with proper behavior.

Gvura, strength, is a necessary trait that compliments many other
traits. The definition of a trait has many interpretations, depending
upon the source and circumstances. By definition, a definition does
not tell us everything about a person or event. History has told many
stories about great generals who were geniuses when it came to
military strategy, yet we don’t know how they treated their wives,
children, or members of their families.. The adjective “great” is
designated sole to the description of the noun but tells us very
little else about the person.

In Pirkei Avos a famous question is asked: Eizehu Gibor, who is a
mighty one? One of the answers given is ‘he who has conquered his
Yetzer’ - commonly translated as desire. A person who can overcome
the inclination to do something bad is in control and considered
mighty. I would like to suggest a different type of strength that, in
my humble opinion, is reserved for a truly great person. The
greatness I am about to describe is rarely found in today’s day and
age, yet I have met two such couples who are true ‘Giborim’ -
incredible great people.

My definition of a great person is “someone who shows joy for
another person’s Simcha even though he will never experience that
joy in his life”. I’m sure if you think about this you will also
know someone who came and rejoiced in your particular joy,
understanding he will never celebrate that celebration in his
lifetime. I will try to protect the innocent by leaving their names
out, but I don’t want to change the facts of the occurrences. The
first is a good old friend of mine (we speak a few times a year) who
tragically lost a child and came shortly after that to celebrate my
son’s wedding. It was a time that his own child should have been
getting married. Imagine the pain of a parent who could never
experience such a simcha of his own and yet, with incredible strength
(there are no greater words to describe it), attend my son’s
wedding, demonstrating total joy, dancing, showing no resentment to
Hashem.The second ‘Gibor’- great person - with whom I rarely
speak and have known for only a few years, has been unsuccessful in
having his own child. He and his wife have undergone many treatments
and haven’t lost hope yet. God willing they should be blessed with
children. When I had a grandchild, the husband called me to wish me a
Mazal Tov. His emotions of true joy for me were felt despite the pain
I’m sure he was experiencing but did not let on a bit. I would
never fool myself by thinking that I could do what these two
individuals did.That is true greatness.

Middos are not only genetic; they are learned as well. If I am not
born with this, who can I learn it from? I believe the answer can be
found in this week’s Parsha Shlach. In Bamidbar 13:2 the Torah
states: “Shlach L’cha Anashim Viyasuru Es Eretz Canaan Asher Ani
Nosein Lachem”. Hashem says to Moshe, send out for yourself Men and
to check out the land of Israel. The Rabbis comment on the word
‘Anashim’ that they were ‘Great’ men. Unfortunately, we know
the history of what ensued; only two of those twelve remained great:
Yehoshua Bin Nun and Kalev Ben Yefuneh.

The Gemara Pesachim 119b and Megillah 14b comment that Yehoshua did
not have any sons. A few reasons are given in various sources. Some
say Yehoshua died without children because he made a suggestion in
front of Moshe, his Rebbi, in dealing with Eldad and Medad. A second
reason in Gemara Eruvin 63b mentions Yehoshua dying without children
because he didn't return the Ark to its place in Gilgal on the night
before the war with Gilgal, causing the people not to be permitted to
engage in procreation. It must have been very challenging for the
leader of the Jewish people to interact and manage the nation, having
been childless. Nevertheless, Yehoshua is ‘great’ and is able to
thrive as the successor to Moshe.

The Gemara in Sotah 35a on the verse in Bamidbar 13:30 “Vayahas
Calev Es Ha’Am…” and Calev hushed the people toward Moshe and
said, “We shall surely ascend…” explains that Calev appeared to
instigate them against Moshe. When he (Calev) saw them silence
Yehoshua, who had begun to speak, Calev said “If I try to tell them
anything, they will shut me up as well.” So he said to them ‘Is
this all that the son of Amramhas has done to us?...” The gemra
explains the fact that his failure to call Moshe by name was a
disparaging remark making the other spies think he was on their side.
In fact, the Midrash Aggada Bamidbar 13:30 says while they were in
the land (of Israel) the Spies plotted to speak evil of the land and
to tell of the might of its fortifications. They took Calev into
their plot, and he told them that he would speak as they, but in his
heart he resolved to tell the praise and goodness of the land. So
when he came to speak, Calev ‘silenced them’ (the spies) because
they were completely caught off guard as Calev got their attention
but were in shock of his reversal against them.

Calev’s attributes are emulated by my friend and his wife who, upon
losing their child, came to explain and give true meaning of their
loss to others around them. People who hear about tragedy try to
comfort the mourners yet tend to be uncomfortable in trying. My
friends completely reversed the emotions people would normally think
they would have experiencing such a loss. They literally silenced the
crowd during the funeral, shiva, and beyond in explaining Hashem’s
plan and not only accepting it but using it as a tool to teach
others.

We should learn from these great Gedolim, giants amongst our midst
who rose above the natural reaction and instincts of human beings.
May Hashem continue to give them strength to continue their greatness
and may the rest of us who sit in awe of their greatness try to
emulate them as well.

Ah Gut Shabbos

Rabbi Avraham Bogopulsky

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