Rabbi's Blog

The customary code for polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group is called etiquette. There are many social norms which have become part and parcel of the etiquette mindset. For example, a person shouldn’t use all caps when typing because that conveys to the recipient that the writer is upset. Using capitalization within the text indicates a loud or angry voice which conveys rudeness, improper communication etiquette. A second example of proper decorum or etiquette is maintaining quiet in a library. Raising one’s voice or causing a disturbance is inappropriate behavior in a library.

I would like to suggest a proper procedure when using two modern conveniences: how to properly return a ‘dropped’ call. Typically, when a call is dropped or gets cut off, the parties who were communicating immediately attempt to call each other back, sometimes repeatedly. Each person assumes he or she caused the call to be dropped, so both parties will try to reconnect, getting either a busy signal or voicemail. My simple suggestion is to establish an easy principle: whoever made the call should be the one to try to call the other person back when the call is lost. If the person who made the call is finished with what he/she wanted to talk about, it is understood that there is no need to call back; if the caller still has more to say, he/she will call back.  Simple fix.  No frantic need to keep trying to reconnect.

The second issue concerns sending a text message to someone and then waiting until the other person replies to the very first thing you said. So often the first sender sends a second question, statement or comment while the other person has not had a chance to reply to the first text. This can quickly lead to overlays of texting to messages and responses no longer connected to each other, making any clear communication totally unclear. This issue can be extrapolated to communication in general: one person continues to ask or talk about something without giving the other person an opportunity to respond. By the time a response is given, the point is moot. My etiquette suggestion to address this situation is simply not to send a second text until the other person has responded to the first one. This, of course, applies only to a flurry of text messages sent back and forth.  It does not apply to a situation when there is a long delay waiting for the second person to respond. The central theme surrounding proper phone and texting etiquette, while dealing with modern mobile devises is actually based on very old communicative responsibilities. For hundreds of years, it was the Navi’s responsibility  to be the communicator between Hashem and the Jewish people.

In this week’s Parshas Eikev, the Haftorah is read from the Navi Yishayahu. In Yishayahu 50:1 The Navi states: “ Ko Amar Hashem, Ay Zeh Sefer KrisusImchem Asher Shilachtiha Oh Mi Minoshai Asher Macharti Eschem Lo, Hein Ba’Avoneiseichem NimkartemU’Bpisheichem Shulcha Imchem”. “Thus said Hashem: where is your mother’s divorce document with which I sent her away? Or which of my creditors is the person to whom I have sold you? Behold! It is for your iniquities that you have been sold, and for your rebellious transgressions that your mother has been sent away”. The Abarbenel says this statement from God comes after the Navi explained to Klal Yisrael that the exile would to be a long one. Hashem, through the Navi, is trying to give the reason why the Galus, the exile, will be so long. In a rhetorical and almost cynical speech Hashem asks the Jews if it was  the inefficiency of the Prophets to motivate the Jews to repent? Was the decree of exile so strong that even a good proper repentance would not work? The answer is, of course, is no. Hashem always allows His children to repent and return. He even asks us, “Where is the GET, the bill of divorce from Me and my children, O’ Israel?” There was no separation or any permanence that would prevent Am Yisrael from returning. In fact, the Chidushei HaRim explains that there is an extra word in the verse, ‘Shilachtiha’, which means ‘like I sent but really came back’. According to Jewish law, in a case where the husband sent a messenger to divorce his wife but returned without carrying out the wishes of the husband, the couple is not divorced. We, the Jewish people, are still really married to Hashem. Yet, if  this is so, why is the Galus so long?

The answer is twofold: either we never tried to call upon Hashem or when we tried to call, Hashem was calling us and we couldn’t hear Him and He couldn’t reach us. We were so busy trying to get back to Hashem and get back on track, but that wasn’t the right method to do so. Perhaps we were too strict or too lax when the situation called for the opposite. The greatest underlying cause of the long Galus is our lack of clear and proper communication to Hashem. The call was dropped, and it’s our responsibility to call back.  There is no confusion as to who is obligated to call.

We are the initiators of the call to God, and therefore we need to call back again and again in order to reach Him and to connect to Him.

Even though the seven weeks between Tish’a B’Av and Rosh Hshana are called the seven weeks of consolation, one must realize that the Haftorah is filled with criticism and only a few lines of consolation are found at the end. This is consistent with the notion that we need to initiate the Teshuva. Make the call. And when we make it we mustbe sure we call back again and again until Hashem picks up and accepts our Teshuva. That is precisely when the Galus will surely come to an end.

Ah Gut Shabbos

Rabbi Avraham Bogopulsky