Rabbi's Blog

Most relationships, including business, marriage, friendship, even landlord/tenant, regardless of length of time, will eventually come to an end. The end, in some cases, is decided by God;  others are determined and controlled by one or both of the parties involved. In some instances the decision is made by one person or entity;  in other cases  a mutual parting of ways is agreed upon. In many situations the end of a relationship can be catastrophic for one side while in others a sense of freedom and opportunity is created. No matter the cause for the break-up, both sides know that life will never be the same as it had been during the relationship.

Throughout  my rabbinic career one of the more difficult tasks is giving consolation and comfort to people who have lost a relative. All of the relationships are affected, but someone who lost his or her spouse who was married for a long time is truly profound. The most common challenge is when the bereaved tell me, “My life will never be the same.”  I have learned to  reply, “That is true. Life will never and can never be the same, but it does not mean you can’t have a good and productive life going forward.” Two aspects of change are difficult: the first is going from the status quo to something new, and the second the difficulty is learning to adapt to new changes as we grow older. An important realization is that change is constantly taking place within our lives. Because the changes are small and incremental in relation to our lives overall, we tend not to give these small changes a second thought. Nevertheless, change is occurring as we speak  - even as you read these very words. We tend to adapt to the subtle changes,  thereby giving us the innate ability to change and adapt for the larger or greater changes in life.        

For the past seventeen years Beth Jacob has had a wonderful tenant relationship with Jewish Family Services. JFS, as they are commonly called, decided to move their program elsewhere. To tell you the truth, at first I was hurt, then I grew angry. I felt that we treated JFS with consistent consideration and care, and I felt rejected. Since we had given so much time and effort over the many years, I grew angry, and that anger caused me to grow resentful, wondering, in retrospect, if throughout all the years JFS was housed at Beth Jacob if perhaps the working relationship we had with them was, perhaps, not as good as we thought it had been.  As they began to move out, I thought to myself that this major financial change for our Shul might actually create   a greater opportunity for Beth Jacob which I had never previously realized. As the space opened up in different areas of the Shul’s property, different ideas popped into my (and many other peoples’) head as to how we could utilize the space more efficiently while still maintaining the net loss income we were receiving. With Hashem’s help, and we know it’s always with Hashem’s help, we are going to create new opportunities for our membership that had been handicapped due to the space taken up by  tenants  who had limited our own ability to function in a greater way. We will innovate new programs similar to what had been provided at Beth Jacob for non-members and community members at large. Beth Jacob will continue to grow as the hub of Jewish and social life for this community. Sure, life won’t be the same without JFS in our building, but that should not limit how we can actually create an even better services in the future.

Changing for the better is a focus of life and is highlighted in this week’s Haftorah. The Haftorah for Parshas Ki Savo is taken from the Navi Yeshayahu chapter 60. The Yalkut Shimoni, in the very first verse, quotes Rebbi Yochanan’s parable to the current and future light. Someone was traveling with a lantern at night. Someone came to light it and it extinguished. Another person came along and once more lit the lantern, but it was again extinguished. The man holding the lantern said that from now on we are not going to try light it again. Rather, we will wait for the morning light to rise and shine for us. So, too, the Jewish people said to Hashem that we made the Menorah in the time of Moshe and it was blown out. We made it again in the time of Shlomo HaMelech, and once again it was extinguished. From now on we will wait  to see Your light, the light of the ultimate redemption. This parable sets the stage for the words of the Navi, summarizing the long exile of the Jewish people which had been filled with hope and light only to be darkened soon after with more exile and destruction.  The Navi contrasts the exile to the future by describing how things were and what they will become. In Yeshayahu 60:17 states “Tachas HaNechoshes Ahvee Zahav, V’Tachas HaBarzel Ahvee Kesef, V’Tachas HaEitzim Nechoshes, V’Tachas Ha’Avanim Barzel, V’Samti Pekudaseich Shalom V’Nogsayich Tzedakah”: “Instead of copper I will bring gold, and instead of the iron I will bring silver, and instead of the wood, copper, and instead of the stones, iron, and I will make your officers peace and your rulers righteousness.” In the time of the ultimate redemption, Hashem will take those items that the nations had seized from us and will force them to return items even more valuable to us. The darkness will be replaced by items of promise that will surely be brighter and better for us.

As we stripped away the layers of furnishings that belonged to JFS, the Shul began to breathe the air of its openness which had not been seen for many years. Now we will be able to realize our full potential in the future.  We can now take a fresh look at providing more in different areas. As we removed some of the staleness of our operation, we saw how we can rejuvenate our obligation to reach out to Jews whom we didn’t focus on enough. During this time of introspection throughout the month of Elul, we individually shed  bad attitudes and look for ways to become more effective in reaching out to others. On an individual level the soul of a Jew requires that we each work to peel off some of the baggage hawse have been carrying for many years in order to gain new perspective to our purpose in life, re-organizing and re-thinking our approach to serving Hashem.  The rule is if we each work on helping others get closer to God, the very effort it takes to do that work will ,in turn,  make us closer to God.

Keep in mind that nothing happens overnight. A relationship over many years requires time to adapt and to make those improvements. It takes physical time to make those changes and to put them to use. On the other hand when it comes to Teshuva/repentance, HaKadosh Baruch Hu has the ability to turn the sins into mitzvos instantaneously. The Art of Teshuva and true repentance can happen quickly without turmoil and difficulty. Let us all take on new and improved change and dedication to Hashem and to our fellow Jew.