One of the many ironies of life is how we typically look forward to growing older when we are very young and once we grow older we look back with longing to our lost youth. Oh, how often we remember what it was like when we were children and couldn’t wait to grow up. Now that I am old, ‘ehem’ sorry, older, I recall the instances when I tried to act older. I will illustrate with two contests that were fought: one of a religious nature, the other non-denominational. The first instance was bedtime. All of us had to show off to our friends by bragging how late we stayed up before finally going to bed. We compared bed-time hours, especially when the school year began.  We each boasted about how much later our bedtimes were – as much as fifteen or twenty minutes later - than they had been the previous year. I was always too ashamed to be part of that discussion, having had a very early bed-time. The second is of a religious nature: how long we lasted on Yom Kippur without eating. Put differently who fasted the longest?

On Yom Kippur my mother always prepared a lunch and snacks for me and my siblings, and we ate with my cousins downstairs in the Shul (we were the youth program of the day, unlike here at Beth Jacob). We always tried pushing off the inevitable time to break our fast. This tradition, which continued year after year, actually was beneficial as it trained and conditioned us to eventually fast throughout the entire day of Yom Kippur. This is another ‘custom’ that is actually very questionable regarding fasting prior to the age of obligation. Growing up we always thought that in preparation for a bar or bat mitzvah a child must fast all three fast days prior to and for sure on the Yom Kippur before having to fast the entire day. 

But it is very clear from the Shulchan Aruch 617 regarding fasts before the age of 13 that: “On Yom Kippur and the ninth of Av one should get used to eating fewer meals  with greater space between them. Also, fasting for several hours in the morning is the custom. If the fasting can cause harm, then the child should eat. On the other fasts he should not fast”.

The Halacha is that boys under the age of thirteen and girls under the age of twelve do not have to fast. (This does not apply to Tisha B’av and Yom Kippur where we encourage our children to try to fast,  increasing the amount of fasting each year.) While others say that after a boy or girl turns nine he/she should be trained to fast a little, they are incorrect. The custom is not like this. Many families have the custom to encourage their sons to complete three fasts before they become bar mitzvah. Horav Shlomo Zalman Aurbach zt”l maintains that this minhag is not based upon any source. Some say young children who do not fast  should only eat the amount of food they need, avoiding special treats or additional snacks. This custom is also questionable.

Chazal knew and understood the human body. On average children are able to sustain a full day fast when they reach the halachik age of maturity. Parents should follow the advice of the sages. They should not force their children to fast more than necessary, but they should also encourage their children to try to fast for a part of each Yom Kippur and Tisha B’Av, extending the fast a little more each year. This, of course, is the general rule, not the exception. Chinuch, education, is a tricky balance with regard to fasting; there is no one formula that fits all. If we look at this week’s Haftorah, we may glean some further insight.

In this week’s Hafotrah of Parshas Vayeilech, we read from the Navi Hoshea. The Shabbos takes its name from the first few words of the Navi Hoshea 14:2: “Shuva Yisroel Ad Hashem Elokecha, Ki Chashalta Ba’Avonecha“. “O Israel! Return to God your Lord, for you have stumbled because of your sin”. The Gaon of Vilna breaks down the verse and attributes words to the actual process of Teshuva/repentance. The words ‘Shuva Yisrael’ form the first step required for truly leaving the sin by either returning that which was stolen, incorrect speech, inappropriate behavior, or something else. ‘Ad Hashem’ - ‘unto God’ - means regret for that which was done. In the following verse the words ‘K’chu Imachem’, loosely translated as ‘take with you’ applies to the words of confession otherwise known as Viduy. The last words ‘V’Shuvu El Hashem’, ‘return to God’ is the acceptance for the future that that sin will never be committed again.

A second understanding of these words is presented from the Midrash Yalkut  Shimoni. The words ‘Shuva Yisrael’ are directed even to the Jew who completely denies everything, even one who denies the existence of God, a Kofer B’Ikar! The Yalkut explains through a parable about a large boulder that has fallen right in the middle of the road, not allowing access to pass on any side. The king said to chip away a little bit of the bolder at a time until he would be able to eradicate the remaining part of the rock from the world. So, too, Hashem says to the Jewish people that the Yetzer Hora (the evil inclination) is a great stumbling force. Chip away at it little by little;  in the end I will get rid of it completely, removing it from the world. A supporting verse from Yechezkel 36:26 states: “Vahasirosi Es Lev HaEven Mibsarchem”: “And I will remove the stone of your heart from your flesh”.

In both examples, from the Gra and Yalkut, we see that the pathway to Teshuva is a slow one; the battles are fought one by one. Teshuva itself has a step-by- step process, beginning with  recognizing the incorrect action to the acceptance that it will never be done again. The challenges in the spiritual realm are very great because we live in a physical world that does not appreciate spirituality. Therefore, the only way to gain the upper hand and ultimately control and overcome the desire to sin  is by attacking it a little at a time, meticulously and consciously  building up momentum and stamina.

The evolution of fasting a little bit more every year not only trains us in the physical sense, it  also sends us a message that to grow spiritually requires training so that we can reach the level of Teshuva on Yom Kippur for the sins between man and God and on Tisha B’Av for the sins between man and man. It takes time to turn around; this doesn’t happen overnight. When we see other Jews who struggle to change, we must encourage them to just chip away little by little.  Remind them that big changes don’t occur immediately. Teshuva is a slow process. As long as we are making progress, the ultimate Teshuva will come because Hashem will then remove all obstacles in their path.

May we merit being on the path of repentance, helping each other to chip away at our Yetzer Hora and to create the path and build the road which will lead us to the ultimate redemption.     

Ah Gut Shabbos and Ah Gut Yom HaKippurim

Rabbi Avraham Bogopulsky